However, you have a choice every single day. You have a choice to decide how you are going to react to situations. You have a choice on every single habit that happens every single day. Believe me when I say that I've had addictions, and I've fought those demons so I know how very hard it is. I. KNOW. But I also think that I am so passionate about writing this because I also know that it's possible to overcome. I also know that you are the one that decides your future.
Anxiety and worry get you absolutely nowhere.
Pity parties need to be left at the door. This isn't a call for rise and grind. There are times that you need to cry. There are times when life just freakin sucks but you have GOT to put your big girl pants on and recognize that God did not design not one person to be mediocre or insecure or caught up in all of your thoughts. This life is meant to be lived.
Let me share something with you. The beginning of this year was BAD for me. I started making a lot of bad habits. Those habits included putting myself down, feeling like everyone hated me, wanting to quit the blogging thing, etc etc. (yea I know-embarrassing-continue reading for the entire dramatic saga and the outcome lol). Tanner would constantly tell me that my business was growing and booming and pumping me up with statements like "You were made to be a coach. You're so good at it." (hahaha).... and yet I just was wrapped up in all the things that I felt I wasn't doing right. I was stuck in perfection paralysis comparing myself to every other entrepreneur on the internet, and I got straight up overwhelmed. #YALLFEELME
I looked at all these pages on instagram and how they were better than mine when before I was NEVER focused on that. I started being consumed and self conscious if I produced an image that people didn't "like" enough. I thought that the best way out of that situation was to just quit. Quit this thing that I had spent countless hours building and that I loved.
WHAT IN THE WORLD? In the 3 years I've blogged, I've never been one to compare anything. I just don't play that game, but yet here I had created this awful habit where at night I would skim through pages of people not to encourage them like I normally do but rather to put myself down because they were so much better than me. It's embarrassing, but I'm sharing with you for a reason.
I have no idea what happened but one day it just CLICKED. I came out of my hole. I think I read something similar to what I'm sharing with you now and I was like, "Katie are you serious? Get your ish together."
I sat down one night for seriously 4-5 hours. I just wrote everything down. I wrote what I didn't like about what was going on and what I did like. I felt like there were some things about my blog that I didn't like therefore I needed to make efforts to change them. I decided that once and for all, I was done with feeling like this. I prayed and felt peace that if I felt this was who I was, then I had to be true to that. What happened next, I would have never expected.
I got off instagram for most all days. I posted my pictures, and then I didn't scroll through at all. I lost touch with some friends that I kept up with on there, but I got their numbers to let them know I wasn't being MIA and I loved them all. I continued training because if I'm being honest, it really doesn't feel hard at this point. It's just my life and what I do. I started working on my blog. I made some simple changes, and I stopped worrying about how many likes, followers, comments, etc that I was getting and rather just poured my heart into what I was doing hoping to help others, and if only my mom liked it, then that's okay.
My subscriptions doubled yall. Doubled. I, was of course using tools that bloggers use to make this happen, but I just honestly have been baffled. I have seen a 200% increase on google adsense. I have been approached by more companies than I ever have been. I've had a 50% increase of passive sales (not my coaching). It's blowing my mind. And all it took was getting out of my own head and bad habits, and doing what I want to do which is just create content that will help you guys.
I don't say this to say "Oh look at me. I made these simple changes and I got all of these rewards." I know that it doesn't happen like that, and even if that hadn't happened, I would still be working just as hard and I would still be making the changes to become the person that I know that I want to be. I am so HAPPY about what I'm doing because it's me. I absolutely love creating for this blog. I love taking fun photography shots for my instagram. I love connecting with others. I love coaching. I started to dislike it all because of what other people thought of me, and that's just destructive. And the truth is, no one else was even thinking they didn't like me. I was judging this by stats while everyone else lived their lives. (I'm sure there are plenty reading that don't like me but hey, that's life and I've learned to create a shell on my exterior to guard my heart).
I had created a bad habit, and I was making many excuses on why that was okay for my life when it was honestly not at all. I share this with you because you have a choice every single day just like I did. You know the things that you are doing that are destructive for you personally and it takes maturity to step back and say "Okay I'm going to change this. It doesn't matter if it takes a lot of energy and willpower, but I refuse to continue down this path." It's okay to mess up. We all are very messy. That's why we need grace, but when you are able to really focus your energy towards your passions and things that you love instead of being consumed by those destructive behaviors, you will thrive physically, emotionally, mentally, and maybe even financially.
We think those habits are making us happy and content, but we all know that in the quiet moments that's not what we enjoy. We don't like ourselves and it's not until we change those things and stop expecting the rest of the world to create avenues for us to avoid the truth that we really see our full potential.