Soooo, why am I gushing on my husband on my blog today? And how is that related to fitness. Sit back, bear with me, and bring out the tissues and the reading glasses because we are in for a long one.
I was inspired to write this because I posted a picture today of my husband and I and I actually lost a SIGNIFICANT amount of followers. "Katie, you look at your followers? That's ridiculous." To be 100% honest with you, I love inspiring and it is my one true passion in life but it also is a side business for me so in that respect, I keep up with those types of things and I see how many people like certain pictures because that is a good way to see what they like to see. Everyone does it, but I'm just real open about it all. Haha! ;)
So, I thought I would share how he is part of who I am today in fitness...
The first week that we met, things escalated quickly and within 72 hours he told me that he knew that I was the one that God had put into his life to be with. He was certain. I was insanely crazy about the boy but I also was like WOAH. Many details behind our love story that is not for this post (haa), but I knew that I had to tell him about the real "me" before he decided that he was all head over heels.
So within a week, I was like "yo tanner, I have an eating disorder." Okay, not really but I tried to be cool about it. Like, "hey no big deal but there's this thing you should know.." He immediately (in true Tanner fashion) says "well we are going to fix that" If only he knew what would be ahead right...? ;)
I was actually really struggling with a new spin on my disorder that I had never had before and that was binge eating. It was a really depressing time in my life, and I just ate my feelings specifically in toll house butter crackers and bojangles fries (I mean can ya blame me? hehe). These were the beginning stages of dating so he would bring me cute little foods, and I would throw them away because that was all apart of the cycle. Start the day fresh and then binge at night. He still kids me about throwing away all that food but it was the thought that counted!
He start praying for me. He pursued me. He pursued the disorder. He fought it with me...hand in hand. He bought me self help books. He got me a 12 week guide to beating eating disorders through Christ, and he signed me up for a class at church. He made me a doctor's appointment for my GI because I couldn't produce a bowel without laxatives because I had gotten addicted to them (still a problem I live with to this day..). It wasn't that I wasn't capable, but I just wasn't willing. I was defined. Signed and delivered. And he said NO! Believe in God's truth. He will deliver you OUT. I'm not kidding. This boy spoke words of truth into me every day. I would cry and cry because this was a time when I wanted so so badly to beat this and be normal because I knew I was stronger than this label, and he would hold me and wipe the tears while he prayed for me.
The months passed, and he never gave up on me. He would look at me with tears rolling down his face on my "bad days" and say "I will love you always. I will pray for you always. You WILL beat this." He does this thing where he makes me look him in the eyes, and I feel all awkward and shy...the other day he told me to look at him and I was like NO YOU ARE WEIRD! hahaha...i'm a child at heart ;)
Okay, fast forward past the hard days. One day he told me that he thought that I should start trying to actually be healthy. Maybe if I didn't just try to eat intuitively that I would be able to take care of my body instead of destroying it. Whatttttt a novel idea right? And there it began....
This was my start into fitness. I committed to running a half marathon. I signed up and I started training. After the race I remember thinking I "deserved" food as so many of us do, and I binged. Way to go Katie! And it's so dumb because I look back and I was so clouded by my pain of doing that, I wasn't even able to be proud of myself for what I had accomplished.
I was learning though. I started studying nutrition and training on my own. I read and read and read and read and still do. I was so interested and wanted to soak it all up. From day one, I wanted to be this insane athlete. I wanted to push the limits but I also knew I had something to beat. I made this calender. I would mark a star if I made it one day, then two days then three days without binging. If I had binge thoughts, I would say "Jesus. Jesus" It was more or less something to distract me, but also to remind me of who thought I was beautiful no matter what. Slowly, this became a week, a month, 2 months...it was so slow but it started happening and the further it got away from me, the less I thought about it. I pursued nutrition with all of my heart and figuring it all out. I was bound and determined to take care of myself because I FINALLY felt normal. I could eat. I could eat well. I could not have headaches and misery constantly. I first became a beachbody coach but then decided I wanted to do my own business. That was the origin of katiesfitscript. Tanner had lifted forever, so he encouraged me to start. And there we were..........
This became our one true passion together. We used to talk about nutrition and training but now I have to admit, it's a huge percentage of our conversations at home as we know no one else cares! hahaha! What events could we do together as a couple? What outdoor training could we do? How can we get faster? What is some new cross training exercises we can do together? What if we hiked the Appalachian trial together? What do I think about this or that plan that he is making for himself?
We don't do it in vain. We do it because we have passion. It's hard to explain to people where I came from and for them to understand that Tanner and fitness saved my life, because I feel they forever stamp my forehead. I have gotten away from my original testimony because I feel like it leads people to think that I have some issues now when I could not be happier. I learned to take care of myself rather than destroy myself.
However, as I continue to make my transitions into what works for me, macros is the best of every world for us. It gives me my health& fitness and I can have my cake too :) I am able to have BALANCE!!!! It has taken me YEARS to get to this point. It took me YEARS to figure all of this out and that's why I try to help so many so that they don't have to go through all that I did; all the tears, all the struggle.
This morning I was all in a funk because I just wanted to eat crap and not even care. Then, I think about how I used to do that and how awful I felt constantly. Those foods in excess just are not what your body needs. They are not what your body was designed for or craves and I feel like many people don't even know the true feeling of being healthy and hydrated and how amazing and energetic you can feel.
However, Tanner is HUGE in the path of where I am today and I never want anyone to forget that. He is my angel. He prayed for me constantly. He cried with me. He hugged me, he held me, he taught me, he saved me. So, yes, I went there and have made the longest mushiest post about my husband. He introduced me into fitness and for that, I am forever grateful. I know what it's like to destroy my body by not eating. I know what it's like to destroy my body by eating in excessive binging. Now, FINALLY, I know what it's like to have TRUE HONEST TO GOD BALANCE THAT I WANT TO SHOUT TO THE ROOFTOPS AND SHARE WITH EVERYONE!!!!
I am free. I am a child of God. I am beautifully and wonderfully made in the image of Christ.
With love and absolute freedom,