I think that we all know that social media creates the illusion that everything is perfect and rosy in everyone's world but it doesn't show the dark sides of things. People always want to preach that everyone is fake on social media and I'm like "So, are you supposed to share all your sorrows because that's not fun to see either." It's a double standard because no one wants to see your dirty laundry but they also want to condemn everyone being "fake" and only showing the good on social media! Haha! Anyway, my point is ... I've failed, and I've failed, and I've failed some more. I wanted to share all of the big times that I've failed in my life that you might not know about or maybe you do.
I have never been the smartest crayon in the box. Every single thing in academics that I have, I have worked my butt off and then some more.
1. I wanted to go to UNC Chapel Hill my entire life (like literally since I was 5), and I was waitlisted and then deferred.
I worked every second of every day I feel like for my entire high school and middle school career. I remember going online, seeing the news, and then just asking my family to give me time alone in my room. I sat there and sobbed for an hour.
2. I ended up at App, and I KNEW I wanted to be a pharmacist. It didn't matter that I sucked at science. I was going to work for it....and I did. I failed my first calculus exam. I failed a physics exam, and I got a C- on my first organic exam. I ended up with a 3.9 leaving App because of one thing ... unwavering relentless passion towards a goal that I set. I cannot tell you the hours I spent on EVERY single assignment. I'm not the smartest, but I'll be damned if I don't work the hardest.
3. After two years of slaving away, it was time to take the PCAT. I did TERRIBLE. I took it again, and did slightly better but still not well. I thought my 3.9 and well roundedness would help me. I was denied from pharmacy school.
I sat in my floor, and sobbed, and sobbed.
I took the PCAT a third time, and finally my scores were decent for that next year, and I got in. I applied to Campbell, ETSU, Wingate, and UNC. My dream of UNC was still there, but again, I didn't get in. I chose Campbell (thank goodness or I wouldn't have met Tanner).
4. I actually was made fun of by some people about "pulling a Katie" in pharmacy school which basically means that I study study study and still don't do the best on exams. It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. I can't really put into words just how hard I worked to get my doctorate. I feel as if that gives people leverage (even on the dumb website this year) about how "stupid I am." As my husband says, "You can have the IQ of Einstein and NOTHING beats out the character of a hard work ethic."
Fall down seven. Get back up eight.
5. I guess this isn't a failure on my part, but I went through a break up that pretty much changed me entirely. It was a really dark time in my life for about a solid 8 months, but I stood back up.
6. I'm recovered from an eating disorder.
And when I say recovered, I mean 100%. I mean I never ever ever think about body image...ever. ED is a mental disorder, and my husband has said that he feels I'm very blessed from God to be where I am now after where I've come from, and I'm thankful for that every single day. I'm still in awe at it to be honest. I thought I was doomed for life, but my God is bigger than that!!
7. I decided I was going to be an IFBB pro. I was going to work harder than anyone, and make it to the top. I have competed in 5 shows, and have not ONE time qualified for nationals. I really think my dog Peyton could go to a show and qualify for nationals. Everyone qualifies. I mean everyone. I never did. One time (my best package that I ever brought to the stage), I was dead last. I mean "this doesn't make any sense" last. I honestly think they lost my number but regardless, I was the last number called up.
8. I signed up for three marathons, and bailed three separate times even after paying the fees because I made up excuses why I couldn't at that time.
There are more, but honestly some of them still hurt me so deep that I am not comfortable sharing. My point is this:
You are going to fail in life. We all will. We are going to have things that cut us to our core. They will cut us so deep that no one really knows what we go through and you are probably reading my list and thinking "Oh please, she doesn't even know what I've gone through" and I don't. I really don't. I'm sorry for all the losses that you've had in your life, because I know I've had plenty and I know how much they hurt me. The important thing is... stand back up....no matter what.
My husband has said to me many times, "I wish things were easier for you. It seems like the road is always so long for you, and I just wish you didn't have to work so hard."
So, every time that I get an email praising me for all that I do, and where I've been, I just wish that people knew that it comes down to one thing.....hard work and the graciousness of my Father. That's two things that no one will ever take away from me.
2 Corinthians 12: 8-10:
"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each he said, My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses, and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
With love and failures,