I Think Therefore I Am

I don't know why I've been doing a lot of thinking this week, but I have and I think it's because life is finally holding some semblance of normalcy. I think for the past 8 years of my life, it's been a whirlwind just getting through to become a pharmacist and keeping my head above water. I think that I've forgotten what normal life looks like. I have forgotten what true friendships and a normal marriage looked like. I jumped right out of pharmacy school into building my own business, and for those that own small business, that means endless amounts of work (and sometimes I'm a little sad that it was the year I lived in NYC because I feel like I cheated myself from an experience I'll never have again because I worked all the time). I was always chasing that dream, and I still am but this week has just been big for me to just think. 

I was thinking about when I first got started in the fitness world, and how much has changed since then. I remember my first years in pharmacy school when I lived with a girl who was so diligent about going to the gym. She would set her alarm to get up before class and go every day. I'm still not a morning workout girl, and I would set my clock and hit snooze every day. It's funny to think I was that girl because I'm not her anymore. I was going through a really hard time, but even today, in hard times, I would never do that. Haha! 

I signed up for my first half because some friends were like "Oh Come On!! Do it!" I cried the night before the race because I hated the idea of it so much. I didn't know what it was like to push myself and if I did push myself, I was more angry about having to do it rather than proud of myself for accomplishing it. When I started to make the switch into endurance training, I never imagined it would turn out the way that it has. I never imagined I would fall so in love with this sport, but each day I just kept plugging away at it. I started to set pretty big goals, and then I realized that I could surpass those goals if I just committed to it a little bit harder. 

What motivates me? A lot of things but then at the core of it -nothing at all but what I want my life to look like. It's 100% about who I choose that I want to be. Five years ago-was I the girl that runs marathons and is qualified for Boston or planning a full ironman-absolutely not! Did I even want to be? Nope. Even so much as last year, I thought full ironmans sounded badass but a little silly. I want to be the girl that never gives up. This literally has NOTHING to do with weight loss, but I want to show people that if you want it-you can do it. Y'all, I'm this tiny little girlie girl who loves pink and frills but I have made a commitment to myself and to those around me that I will never be one to give up...on anything. ((sometimes I wish I looked a little tougher lolol)). I have said it a million times but I'm not smart and I literally fought kicking and screaming through pharmacy school. In undergrad, while most partied on Friday and Saturdays, I studied. I wouldn't want my children to ever go through what I went through for the past 8 years, so I would probably advice them on a different path (unless they get their dad's brain) but I made it, and I'm proud of myself. I was not born to be a pharmacist, but I became one (and I will be licensed in NC super soon so for those that say I'm not a pharmacist, you'll all be able to sleep at night in about a month ha).

Many times, I think that we base our motivation off these external things that get us nowhere. I know because I've been there. If only I could get this weight off....if only I could get this one body part to look this one certain way ... If only.... 

The day will never come. You will never be the fastest runner. You will never be lean enough for your own satisfaction because the second you get your leanest, you'll come up with some other body part that could "be better." You will never be the strongest man or woman in the world. You have to decide who you are going to be, and just be it. It doesn't matter what size clothes you are wearing, it doesn't matter what it takes. The only thing that matters is that every single day, you keep that focus that this is bigger than just some pounds that you think you need to shed. 

I was watching this youtube that you may have seen this morning, and it brought me to tears because it's just so dang moving.

I get so many emails of people that want to know how to get "abs" and while that's great and all and I know "I can't talk", I didn't get abs {with any semblance of a normal life} until I took the focus off of abs. I eat to fuel my training and I honestly try to train like a professional athlete. I'm not a professional athlete but none of that matters to me. What matters to me is that inside, I'm going to give it my everything. Do you think that anyone cares that I'm working out as hard as I am every day? HECK NO. No one cares but me. That doesn't make me selfish, but I'm just focused and I know that with a better me for myself, I can be a better Katie for others. Every one of these women are so dang amazing in this video and they are all so beautiful and you wanna know the only thing that matters-they are giving it their all. The rest will work itself out. 

 Decide who you want to be, and go be it. Don't let your age, your size, your skin color, your gender, or anything else get in your way. If you want to be a runner-be a runner. If you want to be a triathlete-be a triathlete. If you want to be a powerlifter-then be one. And if you are giving it everything you have, then you won't be disappointed in yourself. You'll consistently become more and more proud of the person that you've become. 

With love and thursday motivation, 

Katie 

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