As we were driving home from the airport last night (yesterday was an all traveling day and we got home at 1am), I was reflecting on the past week. It was kind of surreal flying out for our trip after the Ironman that I don't even think the reality of coming back and not training for something hadn't hit me yet. It felt really good, and it also felt really weird.
For as long as I can remember, I've been looking into the next step of training for something big or achieving some goal. Working towards college cheerleading, working towards getting into pharmacy school, working towards somehow getting through pharmacy school, planning my wedding, starting a business, moving to New York City, moving home, buying a house, complete the Boston Marathon, complete an ultra, complete an ironman. That's just the biggest stuff. My mind for 10 years has felt it hasn't rested not even for a half second.
Thought this week: Do I do another ironman as I technically didn't do the 140.6 because Ironman NC bike course got cut short? I know I was so adamant one and done, but it wasn't a one and done. I'm SO conflicted on that to be honest. However, I know that right now, that's not possible not because of me but because of everyone else in my life. Ironman is much more than me. I also am SO excited to finally focus on getting faster in the marathon distance. However, my biggest thing that I'm excited for is just to rest my mind.
I don't need to be constantly pursuing the next steps. I love goals and I love new months and new seasons, and that's what all of that brings, but after a week of lots of thinking, I've realized that a goal of mine needs to be a season of no goals. It needs to be a season of just running because I love it and lifting because I have missed it.
Since I started college almost 10 years ago, my life has been a constant continuum of one stressful goal to the next, and I live for the hustle, and I love it. But, I need to learn to quiet my mind. I have felt that it seems that I identify with always having to have the next struggle, the next goal, and I finished a book called Humble Roots that really spoke to me.
I have always tried to align my life to where it's not all about me, me, me but when I look at it, I'm like "Girl, check yo'self before you wreck yo'self." I'm a huge fan of introspection, and being able to critically but objectively (without getting all emotional) identify things in your life that can make you better. For me, that means pouring into others and not myself. There's so many parts of that book that I think that everyone should read it (this is not some sponsored post but rather my true heart on the matter). It's hard to sum up, but one of the things that I fall victim to is the "save the world" mentality but when I look at my life, it makes you wonder if you are doing that because of what the book calls a God complex and saving the world is about saving yourself.
However, one thing that I also took away from the book is that for so long I've felt this weird guilt about so many things. I've mentioned it before, and I think that we all can relate. The laundry is not done. Guilt. Starts doing laundry-guilt over too much stuff. Works out-guilt for not spending time with Tanner while I'm going after this ironman dream. Blah blah blah. It's silly, but it's real. Guilt comes from the manifestation that I don't believe that what I'm doing is okay, but I also need to recognize that if I'm humbling myself and listening to the call of God on my life, then these things that he has placed in it that keep me busy are for a purpose. Ironman might have been my goal, but I also have to recognize that I get email after email of people that it's inspired to go after their dreams. I don't say that as a place to toot my own horn but rather to say that humbling yourself means recognizing your platform, it's potential and it's purpose. It means that you are so NOT concerned with yourself that you are able to work hard, do great things, but that it's not about YOU. It's about them. It's about God's purpose (for me personally). Humbling myself and resting does not mean not working. I know that's kind of a backwards opposing sentence. Resting (for me) means simply surrendering more.
But right now, surrendering looks like more rest which is a cool thing. I'm spending a season of my life pouring into others, and praying over new projects that I believe to be set before me as the trajectory of things takes me in those directions. My next race is techincally the North Face Endurance Series Challenge which is a 50K on Dec 3rd which is one month away, but I'm semi approaching that with the notion that if I have to drop to the half marathon because I don't feel able, then it's no biggie.
My next A race which I will really focus on preparation is going to be the Myrtle Beach full Marathon at the beginning of March. It's a flat race, and I'm hoping for a 3:12 to qualify for NYC for 2018. I will most likely do a half marathon for time as well as shooting for PR's in the 5K and 10K during the time from now until March as well.
Nutritionally, I plan to continue to eat mostly plant based which I've been doing now since January. I seriously feel amazing, and I've learned so much about food and how it can affect your health which I love. I love adding in new foods that get me excited about all of the antioxidants and vitamins and mineral benefits as well as long term health benefits. I geek out on some of that and it gives me joy to create new dishes for Tanner and I to compliment that. I also love how it makes me feel that I'm doing well for the environment, and animals as well! :)
Tanner and I also have tons of fun plans for the coming months just enjoying marriage together. My family has our annual girls shopping weekend coming up as well as my mom and I heading to the Belong Tour. Then, we will head out to San Fransisco. It really does feel nice to just have no stress, no crazy races, and today I think I'll be too busy to work out and you know what...that's JUST fine! :)