I wrote a status yesterday on my personal facebook page, and I just wanted to expound on it a little bit because a lot of people seemed to like it and comment on it and it made me think more and more about it.
I'll go ahead and just copy and paste what I wrote:
I know that it might be crystal clear what I'm trying to say but I wanted to talk about it more here. I feel like I can only say so much on a status without people never reading it. HAHA!
I seriously have lived a large majority of my life caring what other people have thought of me, and it's honestly not even something that I meant to have happened, but then I look back and current and think "Wow Katie, what are you doing?" I've always been what Tanner calls "meek" and "let people walk on me" just because I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings and I always wanted to make them feel loved, but in return I had some friendships that I felt really beaten down. It was like I was a magnet to people walking ALL OVER ME. When people begin to walk all over me, I wouldn't even fight back. I feared confrontation SO MUCH (who am I kidding? I still do). If someone does something crappy, I would seriously rather them continue then to have to endure talking through things. Tanner gets SO heated because of course he's defensive of me, and I never take up for myself.
I feel like that sounds like humble bragging but I'm so serious, it's a terrible characteristic to have. Wanna know what that is? INSECURITIES! My entire life it's like I'm so afraid of what others will think of me that I'd rather just cower in a corner.
Every single time I've thought of getting another tattoo (I currently have one on my foot that says "Walk by faith"), I think to myself "I can't. This person and this person and this person would be upset and I'd rather not start that." I think about all of the cool adventures/travel the world every weekend if I could trips and I think "My family will think I need to chill out and not be so crazy." I think about how I still want to wait 3 more years until I'm around 30 to start having kids, and I think "Everyone is going to think that I hate kids and I should just go ahead and start." If I think I don't want to eat meat for awhile because of animal ethics, world hunger, environmental, and health reasons, I think "I have to keep this as quiet as possible because people think I'm crazy enough with health as it is."
I know that you think I'm SO SO silly right? If you have already conquered this completely, then by ALL MEANS you go girl!!! But I share this in hopes of being transparent that if we were to all sit down and write out all of the things that we let others influence our decisions, it's just like...wow. Just wow. I'm almost glad that I wrote out that list above. It's so freeing to just say "THIS REALLY IS SO SILLY!!!"
I know that Krissy Mae Cagley has wrote statuses about how she will be in airports or sit down beside someone and she can just FEEL their discontent with the tattoos that she has all over her body almost in fear. They think she's like a monster or something, and if you meet Krissy you see that even though she has that "bad ass" image on the web, she's seriously the most kind and gentle soul of a person.
The people that have been discriminated against seem to be the most free people I know. They don't live their life in this hole of even thinking for one second what others will think of them for the decisions that they make, and they project that energy, light and love forward. They know what it feels like and it sucks so they don't want anyone to live that way. They simply just don't care.
I think it's important to recognize that there are decisions in life that we have to consider other people. If you are a mother or a father or a daughter then the decisions that you make might affect people in a negative way that you really need to think about and that's really important to be caring in that. I've seriously had an epiphany in the last month and I can't explain how liberating it is. I don't want to have confrontations because who in the world WANTS that, but if things are to happen in my future I think it's important to say "You know, I feel as if you are doing this to me and that is unkind and therefore I'm not going to let you walk on me in fear of what you may think of me. I say this with respect and love, but it's just not okay." It's OKAY to stand up for yourself (Katie, I'm talking to you girl lol).
If you want to be vegan, you be vegan even if you are a male in the south who will be made fun of because you aren't "tough" because of it. If you want to get a sleeve tattoo, then there is nothing wrong with that. I saw someone say the other day that a certain tattoo that people get "bothered them". HOW DOES SOMETHING SOMEONE ELSE DECIDES TO PUT ON THEIR BODY SOMETHING THAT BOTHERS YOU? HOW HOW HOW!?!! Let people just be who they freakin wanna be!!!! I understand that we all have our views and that's fine, but why do people care so much about what other people do? To go back to my status, the ones that care the least and the ones that facebook rant the least are typically the ones that are doing their own thing not giving a crap what others think. They don't waste energy with making sure everyone knows what they think to be true and believes it as well. They just RELAX and LIVE.
I feel as if this blog is all over the place, but I really challenge you the way that I've been challenged to truly sit back and think about who you are as a person no matter what others think and that you should go be that person. You are going to come up against people that oppose that and are going to tell you how they feel, but the beauty in letting go of their expectations is that you aren't going to care what they have to say because you are going to be able to stand firm in who you are knowing that the decisions you make, you thought through. You know that they think otherwise, and that's okay for them, but that does not reflect on you. The only thing it reflects is their inability to see that if we weren't all different then this world wouldn't keep spinning.
I hope to goodness I'm not alone here and everyone isn't going to be like "Katie, omg, you so crazy!" but there I go again caring what yall think. HAHAHA! GOOD LORD IT'S A CURSE.
BYE FOR NOW Y'ALL!