This year is the one year that I've realized that perspective is EVERYTHING and I seem to only be able to see in the rear view sometimes. I tend to look back a little too much, and I think it's something that we all do. The thing that I want to emphasize however to myself as I've processed through some emotions about different things in the past year is that there is NO way that you can see through the lens of perspective until you are seeing it as perspective. Hindset is 20/20 is not a phrase for nothing!!
Tanner and I have decided to sell our house. We have a four bedroom, three full bath home. Isn't that funny just to hear it out loud? How silly right? We are two people with 2 teacup yorkies, and we don't step foot into 2 of the rooms. When we moved home from New York, we could not believe the prices of houses in North Carolina (specifically Shelby) and everything is truly SO cheap. We thought we wanted to buy a house that would be our forever home, and so we bought a house that we could grow into.
We look back and while that made sense at the time, it doesn't really make sense for us. We don't plan on having kids for another few/5 years and so pouring money into a large home when we could be saving and we love to live minimalistically is what makes sense. We love cozy small homes, and sometimes we feel as if we live in a resort or something. So, when we started talking about selling our house, we just couldn't believe that we had even bought this house to begin with. PERSPECTIVE! We can now see through the lens of HAVING the American dream and now recognizing that downsizing is really what we want for now.
The funny thing is that in 5 years, we might say "Well shoot! Maybe we should have just stayed in the big house" because we will have perspective of having children at that point. Isn't life funny? LOL! I'm hopeful that won't be the case however, and that we can utilize this time to save and travel!!! :)
Another crazy thing is that Tanner and I almost moved back to New York City in September. That could be a blog in and of itself, but Tanner was presented with a job opportunity and it was something that he could NOT turn down and so our minds immediately made the shift, and we started going into full on move mode. The details of moving were going into fighting over politics season, so moving from a small country town actually sounded FANTASTIC at the time! ;) For lots of reasons, we ended up deciding that this was not a good choice for us and stopped that pursuit. It was 100% the best choice, and THANKFULLY through perspective we are able to see that it was NOT a good choice for us vs me writing this blog from New York City like "oh boy! What did we do?" haha!
When I was doing my ironman, I was really overwhelmed. I didn't know how to balance doing all that it required, and so I just balked. I basically quit life other than ironman and I went into a hermit hole of training. It made my eating become really off. I was hungry so I ate more, but then I gained weight and felt not like myself at all. I certainly wasn't going to get that extra 5lbs off because I was training for an ironman and needed fuel. Because of time constraints, I was never able to hang out with friends, I isolated myself in training and didn't have any training partners, and became VERY dramatic about training. It really REALLY isn't that bad....like at all. Through perspective, I'm able to see that I could totally do ironman training again and approaching it in a completely different manner...a manner of balance and graciousness towards being able to do what I love and even being afforded that opportunity. PERSPECTIVE. I couldn't have seen that during.
I'm always always telling myself if I had just seen THIS at THAT time then THIS would have happened. It's not always bad things or regrets, for example, moving back to New York, but for some reason I tend to think in that way. The beautiful thing was when I recognized the potential for perspective thinking, and that is learning valuable lessons.
It has made me realize that while I live a fast paced life, and LOVE that life, I need to live a life of caution and mature thinking. I need to sit down with my husband and say "Okay, this feels exciting and brand new, but is this good for me? What would perspective look like for this topic? If I were looking from the inside of this (as most things take WORK), would I be happy that I'm having to do work for this?" It's been really useful for me in not making erratic, spontaneous decisions on things that might not be good for me.
I truly signed up for Ironman without thinking about perspective, and I think if I had thought more about what it was going to be like on the inside, then I would have been able to handle things better. I prepared myself for training. I didn't prepare myself for loneliness or self image issues that I hadn't seen in YEARS. Life is so interesting.
I know that we don't just walk throughout our life making big decisions daily, but it is a continual ongoing process of every day decisions that make up how your week goes and your year goes. You don't have to look back at perspective and say that you didn't do anything either, so one think that I've committed to doing is not just making goals, but thinking about what those goals look like from the inside and what those goals look like on the other side. If I am to think about the end of 2017, 'where do I want to be?' is of course the first question. But, the second thought is what will perspective look like on that end. Will I be happy with how things turned out? But also recognizing that even if perspective tells you that it wasn't a good choice, it ALWAYS ALWAYS worked out. Perspective told us that maybe our house is too big for us, so we are selling it! It's work of course, but it's not a big deal. Perspective tells me I should have enjoyed ironman training, but I made it to the finish line and it's forever one of the best days of my life and now I know when I go through another training cycle how to deal with that feeling during training. It's ALL a learning experience. Perspective teaches you so much.
Every single day is an opportunity for change and growth and looking forward on perspective, and I hope that I'm not the only crazy one that over thinks everything! ;)