Comfort in your personal crazy

So, I was talking with my best friend yesterday about how I appreciated her loving me through all of my crazy. I feel that I'm a little all over the place with ideas and emotions sometimes. I get really passionate about a lot of things, and tend to bounce. We travel a lot and love to stay busy but sometimes it feels very unfocused and definitely not simple. 

You know the life that I always thought I'd have where I just went to work, came home from work, made dinner, watched TV and went to kids ball games (because I certainly never envisioned being 27.5 and childless) and then waking up and doing it all over the next day? I went to college and for the entirety of it, that's what I thought I'd do. 

When I graduated from pharmacy school, I didn't go into pharmacy. I went into blogging/fitness world, and then as time has progressed, I've found that I would love to not throw away 7 years of constant work and that I'd love to do what I've always dreamed of which is working as a retail pharmacist. However, if I told any retail pharmacist that, they'd say that I was crazy and don't actually want that full time. And I know that. Tanner and I are starting another company (launching very soon) and I am SO passionate about it, and CANNOT wait. I'm also really passionate about running and nutrition and coaching people in that which is what I've done for the past 3 years. 

So I'm 27 with the potential for essentially 4 jobs (consultant pharmacy which is what I do now, retail pharmacy which is what I've been hired for part time [only 25 hours every 2 weeks so very few hours], new company, run coaching, blogging, and small amounts of nutrition coaching). I'm also starting a half and full marathon in my home town, and some how and some way, I don't feel busy. I feel like I have a lot of down time. I think because two of those haven't really kicked off yet.

Some people email me and say "I don't know how you do it all." And I always think "It really is just how I love to do life." I TRULY enjoy it. It gets a little crazy sometimes because I want to do WELL at everything that I do. There are days where I'm like "What am I doing right now? Why can't I just live simply doing ONE thing?" 

On top of all of this, Tanner and I travel a lot, and he is also studying for board certification in oncology pharmacy as I know I've mentioned and some other really huge things that I need to keep private for now with his career. The point of all of this is that this is how we live. This is how we thrive. This is what we love. 

But for some reason, I feel I have to hide that.  I had dinner with my dad last week and he jokingly said as he's driving off that "I've been telling you to slow down since you were 2 years old, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen so I've just learned that it's what you love." YES YES YES. THANK YOU. He's like the one person I never thought would say that either. 

My friend that I was discussing this with said that there was no reason for me to be ashamed because as long as we love our life and we love each other during it, then there's nothing wrong with it. It has always felt like that I needed to hide the fact that I don't really like "slowing down" because that's not seen as normal. There is a HUGE movement towards complacency in fitness and in life. ACCEPT YOURSELF. DON'T TRY HARD. DON'T DO TOO MUCH. IT'S TOO MUCH.

We make decisions and we move fast. We got engaged after 5 months and it was like the perfect precursor for the way our life would go. We decided in a 2 week span to officially move to New York City and it was the BEST. We decided to sell our house and we have an offer on the table and a contract with a new house like within 2 weeks (part of that being luck I know). Before church, I might run 16 miles while Tanner does laundry and cuts the grass and we joke on the way to church that most are just getting up and we are like WOOO WIRED READY TO GO! 

This is us. This is who we are. And there's nothing wrong with that. And I'm finally resting in THAT and not looking forward to the rest that I don't genuinely don't enjoy.

We kept saying that once we get to THIS part of our lives, we would slow down and then after that, we found a new deadline of slowing down...then a new one...then a new one. Just recently we had the talk of "WHY DO WE EVEN FEEL LIKE WE NEED TO?!" It's this notion that we are supposed to and then when we get to a spot where we can, we get anxious and don't enjoy it so then we move onto to the next thing. 

The point of sharing my personal stories with you guys and being super vulnerable about emotions that I have is not so that you think I'm crazy but so that you know that if you are one of these people, you aren't alone. And it's okay. And everyone will tell you that you need to chill out and calm down and loosen up when you were probably born this way and this is how you function.

We all have many passions and of course it's hard to fit it all in and there's a time and a place for everything. OF COURSE. We must be mature and vigilant to doing the things that we are doing WELL and to not space ourselves out too thin, but also recognizing that there are some people wired to need rest, and there are others that aren't and that's what makes this world go around-DIFFERENT KINDS OF PEOPLE! <3 

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