The Evolution of Five Years of Marriage

Today is five years of marriage with my husband. If you can't tell from my obsessive posts about him, I'm crazy about him. blah blah blah. ha. However, I haven't always been this crazy about him. He and I both know that this year, more than ever before, we have fallen crazy in love with one another and it's just the best thing ever. 

We were both in pharmacy school and fresh to living with someone of the opposite sex. He had some really anal qualities like unplugging everything I owned before bed to save the batteries and never throwing away mail unless it was shredded and being CRAZY clean but somehow leaving his dirty socks in weird places, like the kitchen table. It was like this attempt to not forget to take them to the dirty clothes. We fixed that one quick ! ;) I lost my keys and everything else I own at least 5000 times. It drove him crazy so instead of yelling at me, he provided systems for me to keep up with them specifying where I would leave things so I would know. I decided to slowly over time let go of the fact that my iphone can't charge overnight. Homeboy will unplug my junk to "save my battery life in the long run." 

Somewhere in all these years, the qualities that drove me nuts, I started to love about him. His attention to detail no longer annoyed me but showed me how much he truly cared about me, about our dogs, about our life. 

The truth is, Tanner and I have never really fought. Sure, we would go through a two week period where I'm like "Yo what's up? You're getting on my nerves alot more" and he's like "yea you're annoying me too" but nothing serious. We have had a pretty stable and happy marriage, but it wasn't the kind of good that you dream about in the beginning. It was pretend good at times I believe. It was "Ignore this because I am in pharmacy school and residency and who even cares to fight about this because I'm working on my life goals" kind of thing. 

We said we didn't really do PDA (which we don't-no problem if you do-just not our thing). We didn't necessarily disagree on much but we also hadn't gone through 2016 when everyone discussed everything to learn together and grow together to be on almost 100% on every topic on the same page.

The point of the above is to say that our marriage has not been rocky but our marriage was not as good as it could be. There were things that investment and commitment and communication formed that you can't form in any other place. The age that I see in Tanner's face just a little bit from when we first meet makes my heart sing. I've been HERE, RIGHT HERE IN HIS LIFE, through all of it. I've grown up. He's grown up. We've grown up together through baby 20's to almost 30's, and the investment in the relationship is what has made it so pure. That's something that at 20 years married, I'll know even more and I can't wait to grow old with him.

Through a lot of stress and anxiety over trivial things and the beginning stages of wrinkles in our faces, we have navigated this thing called marriage that we lept into and made it the best thing in both of our lives.

We have talked a lot recently about how our marriage became as good as it is. I don't say that to brag at all, I promise, but just like "how did we fall so much for one another and keep it this way?" and we don't know. One thing we do is that we talk all the time. All.The.Time. Literally if I can't text him, I write down essentially my almost every thought on a pad to talk to him about later. Every single thought that passes through my mind-that kid knows, and it has made us make rash decisions because we don't PAUSE before talking sometimes but it also has made us really close. 

In our 3rd and 4th year, we talked a lot about natural touching of one another like at home and in public. I know that sounds weird, but just like natural flow of loving one another, and we didn't do it well. So, we started to force it and try. It was even more awkward and lame and forced. So, one or the other would stop. This continued. We would talk. Try again. Same thing. And then just like that, after so many discussions and forced efforts, it was like one day it just all fell into place and now it's not forced. We touch when it's natural, and sometimes I come home and I walk in and say "yo." and some days I walk in like today and he says "I MISSED YOU TODAY!" and grabs me and gives me a kiss. It's just the natural flow of life and it's wonderful to not have to try so hard for it anymore, but knowing that we walked through the mud puddles to get it here. 

Commitment and investment and time - it's a beautiful thing

Five years and as many as God will grace us on this Earth together to go <3 <3

He still wads up kitchen towels and leaves them dirty on the counter and I still lose my keys ;)

For more links about marriage: 

https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/relations/how-much-does-couple-counseling-cost/
https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/therapy/how-does-couples-therapy-work/
 

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