I'm up at 4:30 am on Thanksgiving...really Katie?
I did go to bed at 10, so I guess that's 6.5 hours of sleep right? I can't sleep because I'm sick. It's just a cold I'm sure, and I tend to get over those quickly, but it's like the congestion from lying down was just in my throat and I couldn't breathe or swallow so it woke me up all night. I was thinking how I'm just pitiful right now. LOL! Just getting over a sprained wrist with scabs just all over me from road rash from my bike crash to then having what I think to be either a stress fracture fully developed into a fracture in my foot so I can't run (and haven't for 2 weeks-HELP SOS). Now, I'm sick. Sheesh! When it rains it pours right?
I was thinking how I made a blog last week about the city my heart belongs to in NYC. As I was riding the train to the Bronx that leads me to the M60 bus for the airport, I was in contact with many many people. It's the holidays, and the 4/5 subway had delays, it was around 8am, which means that everyone is packed like sardines. The same was true of the bus. It was so tight that people start getting mad at one another so easily. It takes nothing for one to snap.
I don't know why but I was so thankful for being in the city just for a period, I just wouldn't let it get to me this time. I looked from face to face like studying them (weirdo alert) and thought about the lives that they live. As we go up the island, many get off at union square or grand central station with suits on. You can tell the tourists by their cameras and subway maps, and they get off at Times Square. Medical personnel tend to get off on the upper east side because that's where hospitals are. Then, it's just the people left going to the airport and those who live on the outside of the city.
I am sitting here with this aching in my heart for this city, and they have no choice. There were so many this subway ride with tattered clothes, and I'm in my Zara coat, steve madden cross body purse & luggage with my north face backpack. They have no way out. They have begun to become hardened by people...the constant in and out on the subway. They ride that every day. It's not exciting. It's not an adventure. It's life, and it's hard. They don't have the money to live in the city, but they also don't have the means to get out.
I got off the subway and felt guilty to be honest. I complained "I would never again ride the bus" as my pompous self gets on my phone and purchases a flight BECAUSE I CAN.
I finally get to my check gate, and I see all the faces of those that can afford a flight and it was such the extreme opposite. They had their martini glasses and iPads in their suits. It shook me for some reason.
I am always on facebook, so I came across a family that has adopted a girl at the age of 17. She has posts all over her facebook with her new parents calling them "daddy and mommy" and about her siblings. She's been in foster care her entire life, and at 17 years old, she has probably always just wanted to give the title "Daddy" to someone. Just someone who would love her. And I roll my eyes at my dad for making me come to Thanksgiving to eat today at 10:45am (but really-he's so comical-thanksgiving breakfast maybe? ;)).
Of course this made me think even more. I thought about how I was going to make a post about what I was thankful for, and how in the past week, that's kind of changed drastically on what's on the forefront of my mind. We went around the table at friendsgiving in NYC and talked about what we were thankful for. Almost everyone said the community of friends. One sweet guy friend said "opportunity" and I couldn't agree more. It's cliche to be thankful for friends and family, but like truly think about how privileged we are.
So, I just want to really rest in the blessings that the Lord has given me this Thanksgiving and continuing on this year living in that joy every day because I am (we are) SO LUCKY. It's not even blessings I've realized. I'm just lucky.
I'm thankful to have been born into the family that I did where they could provide all of my basic needs as well as give me unconditional love. I'm not just thankful for "friends and family" but the true connection and relationships that I have with these people. I want to know them deeper. I want to love them unconditionally as well. I'm so thankful for a family that's close. I'm so thankful to have enough money to have a friendsgiving at my house and provide a turkey for everyone to eat. The pilgrims didn't have enough money for that (which is ironic that we have this massive bird as tradition).
I'm thankful to have the opportunity to choose where I live. How selfish of me to complain and my heart to ache when there are so many who would KILL to just have a roof over their heads. I'm thankful that when I wanted to move out of New York, I had the money to do so. I'm thankful for my health. I'm telling you about my bumps and bruises and colds, and there are some who would give anything to get rid of the cancer taking over their bodies.
I'm so thankful for a husband that loves me and is so very good to me. There are so many that have to fight their husbands to stay faithful, to not call them names when angry, and who may be so distant that they just want to hear the words I love you. He is more to me than I could ever deserve.
I'm so thankful for the opportunity to even be writing this blog post because that means that I'm fortunate enough to have internet which is a luxury and something millions could never even fathom.
When Tanner and I moved into our current house, we felt this weird sort of guilt. We both didn't grow up in a home like this and we thought, "Is this necessary? Do we deserve this?" and I still don't know the answer to that. We worked VERY VERY hard to get where we are so it was definitely not just given to us, but I'm just so thankful for even the opportunity to go to college and get my doctorate. On top of that, I'm so thankful that in the midst of that, I gained some "social media fame" and have been able to create an online job working at home. And of course I complain about that sometimes....ridiculous. Lol
I guess you could say I'm thankful for the "small stuff" but it's just so much deeper than that. It's this deep rooted emotion of just like "Wow. Thank you Lord. I do not deserve all that You have given me." I fully believe that we were each hand picked to live the life afforded to us but that nothing is of our own glory. Nothing is because of me, and I plan on living it in a way that I can really resonate with people, connect with people and that they are able to see Christ in me and through me.