Why I'll Never Compete (in bodybuilding) Again

I wondered if this day would ever come, and I don't know why it tormented me for so long, but here is that post.

Does this mean that I have anything against competing? No. 

Is this because I never placed? Let's be real. I'm sure it helped influence my thoughts towards the industry. 

To be quite honest, the number one reason is just how convicted I always felt. I don't know why and I truly don't care if anyone competes, but for some unknown reason it just BOTHERED me. I always felt this never ending guilt about it, but just pushed it to the back of my mind because I didn't want to deal with it. 

Here's the thing about sin in my opinion. It's relative on some issues. Call me a prude, but it is what it is. The bible says not to get drunk. But Jesus turned water to wine. So where's the line? Well, I don't know. So, my life purpose to be directed to the cross so that might mean I stop at one drink but that might mean that someone else stops at 4? It's not about how close to the line that we can get. It's not about yours. It's about listening to your heart, and going with what you know you feel is okay and what you think is not...for you. Nothing is inappropriate the day of. It's done in a classy way, but my heart has just changed and I felt a calling to something different. 

{{Before I dive into this, I really do want to say that I have tons of friends that are big into competing and honest to goodness, adore them. They do it the RIGHT WAY! There is something big to be said for that, and many of them have a big following and that's probably why-they do it the RIGHT WAY so none of this is directed towards that. }}

The industry drives you to your hardest and to be your leanest. That's the nature of the game. But, it's not what I stand for.  In competing, it doesn't matter about your genetics. It doesn't matter how much weight you have to lose to get to that point. All that matters is that you are a certain look on that stage. While some do work for years and years to get a certain body type, there are some that simply diet down with a 12 week cut and lo and behold, their bodies look a goddess and they go pro. I can't help that I have small boobs, a short torso, and block abs. I even considered trying to waste away the muscle on my midsection so that I looked long and lean without abs. WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK? That's ridiculous, but it's not what they wanted on stage and it makes you question yourself. It makes everyone drive drive drive to this ultimate look that they may NEVER achieve so it just ultimately ends up in failure unless you are one of the few that look the part. 

I remember the morning of my first show, I was like the leanest bean EVER and I ate 1/4 cup of oatmeal and that's it and I started crying because I was "so bloated", and then not to mention with how it messes with your mind after. I get email after email of girls who are weeks or months after their show and can't figure out what to do with themselves. They don't even know how to eat anymore. They forget what hunger cues feel like. They forget what normal life looks like, and unless they are saved from this HELL a 12 week prep can drive them into some of the deepest pits of their lives. Y'all think I'm kidding? I can guarantee you there are many girls who will read this who have been through this very thing!

Bikini competitions are the eating disorders bar to an alcoholic. STRONG NOT SKINNY RIGHT? #RISEANDGRIND If you have struggled in the past, in my opinion, you should never begin or step foot on a stage but yet I would venture to say 90% of bikini competitors once had disordered eating in some respect (Don't get mad at me-you know it's the truth). If you are doing competitions the right way, then it really shouldn't even be that hard. I truly believe in flexible dieting, and taking things very very slow. But, the sad truth is that like 99.5% of the industry still thrives on cookie cutter diets and endless amounts of cardio with a little resistance training thrown in to shape the muscles. 

{Disclaimer: I've been one of these girls. I am in no way saying I haven't been. I'm just thankful for Jesus that I got out of it.}

I can't coach competitions because people get crazy. It's weeks away from their show, and they don't look like Amanda Latona and they start literally freaking out. They are low on food but want you to take them lower and they want you to give them more cardio. They want the peak week to be insane even if they look perfect. They want to eat grilled chicken out of baggies in the mornings after their fasted cardio because "you're just grinding towards your goals right?" I wish it wasn't this extreme anymore. I wish that everyone had actually started practicing ACTUAL NUTRITION but again, the fact of the matter is-flexible dieting has not won yet and girls are still being starved. I just refuse to be apart of that and when I try to coach girls the right way and they don't get the look that they want, they think I suck as a coach when in reality, they just simply don't have the metabolism to do a show right now. 

Lastly, I just wanted to touch on the reality of the industry. We all can't be winners. That's just the truth. Instagram makes it look like "its you against you" and almost like that everyone gets a trophy but I can assure that every single time there is a show, there is a girl in 100% last place and she gets to go home with that feeling. I can guarantee it's not a good body image feeling. There are tons of rumors and I know that some of them are rumors but I also know that some of them are not. People sleep with judges to go pro, people pay judges, people pay coaches thousands so that they can be given a cookie cutter diet just to say they are "on this team" which gives them a better chance of placing. The politics are insane. 

The cost is insane. You have to pay for the suit (hundreds), NPC card($100/year), shoes($50+), tanning ($150+), entry($80-$300/show), coaching(hundreds), and sometimes you may walk away with nothing other than a broken heart and a judge that sends you an email with feedback saying you are "holding water in your legs and not lean enough" (this was my feedback one time). Sorry, but just no. I know that I "had a bad experience" but I competed FIVE TIMES Y'ALL. I gave it a chance. I gave it many chances, and the experience was the same every time. It's not that I didn't place high (I got 6th 3 times and that's not that bad out of like 40 girls per class that normally were there). 

I kept going back and forth because honestly, I just don't think that I'm a quitter and I was dang determined to place nationally. But, what does that even do for me? I would just end up going to nationals and unless I kept at it for years and years, I most likely would never go pro. If I did go pro, what would that mean? Is that a job like football players where you get paid lots of money....UM NO! You would think that someone could at least sustain themselves as a full time income but not at all. So then it would come back to people saying they enjoy it and that's cool for you, but I just didn't. 

Lastly, who doesn't love endurance? Okay a lot of people. Haha! But truly, it's where my heart lies. I would rather train 10x as intense feeling joy every single day that I do it, and showing up the day of a race and ACTUALLY performing based on my athletic ability and not what my body looks like. I have a passion that I never knew existed for endurance sports, and I can't wait to see where it leads me. I feel like I was made for it.

I've never wanted to bash the industry but I also wanted to explain why the heels are forever hung up, and why I'll never step on stage again.

With love and bikini competitions, 


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