Ever look to someone's life and think "If only.."
If only there were a way out of my current situation. If only, I was in her shoes. If only I could get to this end point or this end point. I can see the end of the tunnel and once I get there, I will be okay.
Let me tell you, I have been slapped in the face over and over with the reality friends that this is just not the way that life is. Each place that you get, you will only be waiting for the next step. Each step that you take, you are looking for the finish line. The finish line becomes a rush and a fight, and we long for the days we won't be studying, the baby will be older and won't be screaming, the training for this race will be over, the money is in our pockets. Where does it end? The truth is, it doesn't.
I'm gonna get a little preachy on ya today, but I hope you'll bare with me. The problem is that until we learn to live in the moment, we aren't going to ever enjoy a single moment of our lives. I've seen this to be true even in my spiritual walk, my finances, and my racing. As I grew closer to the Lord, I realized that I could never be close enough. He was this never ending light that I felt like I was getting towards, and the closer I got the further away I felt because as I learned about Jesus more, the more I wanted to get to know him and felt guilt over the things that I wasn't doing.
The more money that I've earned just as the natural progression of life happens from college into adulthood, it always feels like I'm chasing my tail. I feel as if I will never see the light at the end of our student loan tunnel (I really contemplate frequently writing to college students about how dangerous student loans are and how NOT talked about they are and the implications of how they affect your life post graduate but I digress). I have now run 4 marathons, done a half ironman and an ultra, I've ran the Boston Marathon and I'm doing a full ironman in October and yet somehow, I feel inadequate some days in my running career. I know, I know, I'm too hard on myself but it's always that reaching emotion. Those things are behind me now and so now I must look forward only...
There are all of these quotes about never looking behind and always looking forward. While I do agree with this, and obviously what they mean is not to live in the past, I think that it's most important to live in the here and now. Like, the right now. Like, the sitting at your desk right now. I think that it's important that we honor ourselves and we honor one another in those moments.
Do you watch the clock every single day waiting until it's 5 and you get off? What if you honored the moment that you were in and did the best job that you could at what you were doing? How would that affect your performance for your job and the way that your boss felt about you? How would that affect your relationships with your co-workers?
I think often times we think of living in the moment meaning YOLO, PARTY ALL THE TIME and that's not what I mean like at all. I think there are many times where you are up late at night working on some project for work when you really shouldn't be bringing work home, or you are in college so you are working late regardless, and your friends text you and say "Hey wanna go out?" and you have to tell them no. You feel as if you are not enjoying life, and you are not enjoying the moment because "BLAH I HAVE TO DO THIS!" But no, that defeats the entire purpose of this. That's still looking to the future of "Oh wait until I finish this project for school/work and then I'll be able to go out with my friends." No. Honor that moment. If it's for school, do you really hate what you are doing? Is this class for something that will eventually lead to a career that you love (and if you haven't chosen a career path for something you enjoy-back up right now brother or sister because you need to re think that thing you are going to be doing for 30+ years)? Is this for your job that you thought was going to be a dream job but is actually a sucky job?
What if that project in your sucky job goes well and that leads the sucky job boss into thinking you are awesome giving you an awesome resume into your actual dream job? Every single decision that you make and every single attitude that you have with people is a direct reflection of the trajectory of your life. "But my boss is a butt hole, you just don't understand." NO NO I DO. I've been there and had those.
Work hard. Play hard.
You cannot expect to go through life with no responsibilities. It's about honoring those responsibilities and the commitments that you made and enjoying each moment as the responsibilities present themselves.
Let's say that you have a screaming 2 month old, and you think "If I could just get to the end of this phase, I could sleep and then everything would be better." You know good and well that that baby is going to be 18 before you know it and you're going to be crying wishing you didn't wish their life away. Yes, there are phases that are better than others, but just stop and think. You love that baby more than life itself. You chose that responsibility (most of the time) and you honor that and you ENJOY that time.
I kept doing this to myself thinking it was at this point or this point, and I am now at "that point" and I have days where I'm like "IF ONLY AT THIS POINT!" which is just plum ridiculous. Honestly, while writing this blog, I wish time would slow down. I cannot believe that I am 26 years old. I know that's young, yall but dang. I was 21 a hot minute ago, but I was also a hot mess so it's probably for the best that we made it to here fam. LOL! I'm currently in Colorado, and wishing I could just freeze time in these moments where I feel like I'm truly living every moment to the fullest 100% in Jesus.
There has been A LOT of heart ache in our community (Shelby) lately. We had a car wreck that killed 4 wonderful people in their 20's, another car wreck that killed another 12 year old, and a lady in her 30's die from cancer. I know this happens everywhere but Shelby is small, so it feels pretty intense. It just goes to show you that life can be taken from you in the blink of an eye, and there is nothing that you can do about it. I'm not afraid of death because I know where I'm going. I won't know about the life that I didn't lead once I'm gone because I'll be rejoicing with Jesus in heaven, but don't you want to leave behind a legacy? What if your legacy was that you painted a picture of who Jesus was every single day in every single way? What if your legacy was that you enjoyed every single moment and didn't let your hard job, your screaming kid, or your endless studying get in the way of your joy? What if your light at the end of the tunnel was today...and tomorrow...and the next day and that you weren't always reaching but instead you were grasping.
We see verses, and we read them and we've seen them a hundred times if we grew up in the faith but we don't let them sink in. I know that today I took a moment to just think on them and what they mean to my life.