When Your Mind Can't Shut Off

I've never had instances where I can't sleep and I'm just up thinking until the past 6 months probably. I think it's because this is probably the least "crazy" my life has ever been. I really scaled back from a lot of responsibilities to be able to focus on just ironman for this season, which has been great and honestly I might keep up this lack of extra stuff once it's over. However, it normally makes me CRASH at night and now I have a little extra pent up energy. 

I went tonight to see To Joey, With Love. I'm not sure if you are familiar but this blog will be worth reading even if you aren't, I promise. It's only because of Vlogging & blogging that I believe this is one of the most special documentaries that has ever been made.

Joey and Rory Feek rose to country music fame, and decided to take a year off to have a baby. He said that something told him to start filming their lives (and started a blog) because they would have a good story to tell. And they did. When the baby was born, she had Downs syndrome, and she was literally the cutest baby EVER. Also, when she was born, the check up appointment helped to find cervical cancer on her mom (Joey). The documentary takes you through the next two years of her life, fighting cancer until she dies in March of this year. You definitely want to take some tissues. I was like trying to hold back the ugly, making noises, cry. 

I can't help but think that it could happen to all of us. And yes, live life to the fullest never felt more real during that documentary but for some reason, this film SPOKE to me. It legit felt life changing (until of course the newness wears off and I get back to being selfish. LOL! Don't you wish newness wouldn't fade?) 

He was Vlogging every day but it wasn't your typical Vlog that you see where the girls are able to be a personality figure that they want you to believe that they are. He filmed so much of their lives that you knew that none of their personalities were fake. They were the most gentle, most humble, most God loving people that I've ever witnessed, and through it all, all they could do was fix their eyes on Jesus plan. When they ask for prayers in the end, they said that they wanted people to pray for a miracle but accept God's plan in this. Rory now is raising their little girl with Down's Syndrome by himself. He's still looking to Jesus for the bigger picture, but yet his faith NEVER EVER wavered.

How quick are we to say that things aren't fair in life? How quick are we to wonder why certain things happen to us and not others and how we can change our situations? How quick are we to never take time off (like they did for that year) and just truly be one with our friends, family and place that we live. We MUST be on the go constantly. We MUST always be stressed. Stress is almost a badge of honor. Busyness means productivity right?

This movie didn't teach me to rest, but it just taught me that every day DOES matter. I don't mean YOLO-let's do all the fun things, but sometimes to even let down that wall. It's in the way that we talk to people. It's in the way that we treat people, and love people. It's leaving a mark on someone after just one conversation that the world is DEEPLY saddened by your loss never filling that hole the way that it is with Joey. She was a beautiful woman inside and out...truly. I've never seen anything like it. The amount of faith this couple had touched me so deeply, and with it being late at night, I just can't get it off my mind. The amount of love that they had for one another...well....it just makes me cry and have chills even thinking about how Rory (the husband) is a real man in a real town now raising a daughter on his own. 

I got a comment last week on my instagram that was mean, but also I really do try to objectively take what the feelings and how something might look and take what I can from that. They said that everything that I do is focused on my own goals and how selfish I am basically. I really do try to keep balance, but as yall know, ironman is HARD HARD HARD to have balance. I'm excited after the ironman for my goals to be about how well I can love people to the fullest not about my individual goals. That's the goal in and of itself. Loving and giving and just being with people and having deep connections. (Yes I know not to take comments to heart, but I truly could see how I'm perceived as that way and never want that).

Life, love, and faith is such a beautiful thing. Being simple is such a beautiful thing. I'm inspired. I'm inspired to start Vlogging my life because of the beautiful things that he will be able to have in footage now to remember her and their lives together. I'm inspired to really focus on my faith, and the people in my life. I hope you are, and if you haven't seen the movie, you absolutely should. 

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