There is a new wave towards "Say your best yes" and that we genuinely don't know how to say no. I'd have to agree with that, and really enjoyed reading "The Best Yes"! However, again, I have to be one that stands up for the notion that ITS OKAY TO WORK HARD and it's okay to say yes. Just as in anything in culture, there is always a bubble and then people say "Hey wait a second" and things swing in the opposite direction (just like when I went to pharmacy school it was all the rage that people got sign on bonuses and cars because there was such a shortage and then they built a ton of schools and now students come out hardly able to find jobs and pay their massive student debt). I won't get on a soap box today, but I guess that's what I'm here for right! ;)
I say "YES" to a lot of things, but honestly I say no to a lot more. I listened to a book called "The Subtle Art of not giving a f***" and while it's not the most Chiristian of novels, I really appreciated the things that it brought to light for me, ways for me to improve and other ways to really appreciate the way that I'd been living and that there was nothing wrong with it.
At any time and at any point, you are free to walk away from literally anything that you are doing except maybe parenting or your marriage because that would be kinda crappy, but you are not bound to AN-Y-THING. I don't know why but I feel so liberated within that. I am the QUEEN of creating anxiety for myself when it's completely unnecessary (I would have to guess I'm not alone on that), and so just even knowing that I can walk away from things allows me freedom from overwhelm.
But that doesn't mean that I have to say no to things that I genuinely want to do and we don't all to have be mediating in the quietness of every day to be restful and ready to take on the next days. Everyone is different and that's how this world turns around and around, and I think it's such a beautiful thing. There are people that HAVE to be surgeons or what else would we do but that life is not the life that I could have seen for myself? I think it's so amazing, but I can easily say no to going to med school. I can easily say no to being in investment banking, and I can say no to joining the local softball team because I have no hand eye coordination (which is actually a relatively new revelation as I realized the sports I suck at - golf, softball, beer pong, ping pong, and bagmitten). I am able to self assess and say that I really do not enjoy those things.
We do NOT need to be everyone in one. We all unique interests and passions and talents that make us who we are. Many people don't enjoy running, but I do. I want to be a susie homemaker, but honestly I've realized that I'm just not. I love to cook but most of the time it just doesn't happen and my husband and I eat separately because we want to eat at separate times. I want to be able to say that I'm good with interior design but really I just look at pinterest long enough and copy it exactly. I want to be good at hosting events at my house and I WAS for a season, but I actually think that I'm in a season that it stresses me out a little too much so I stopped. Your destiny is NOT to be every thing in one.
In the midst of a season of "detoxing" myself from being an "influencer" whatever the crap that means anymore, I have had to learn what and who I am. I have even had to look my egotistical narcissistic side in the face and say "Did you do this because it looked good for a blog or because you actually enjoy being the busiest person on the planet?" #truths
I've truly tried to evaluate these things, and if there is one thing this season has been for, it's been truly finding me separate from internet validation and all that jazz. It's like literally incredible to know YOU and know that when you say yes, you mean yes. And when you say no, you mean no. It does make you a butt hole to say no. ABSOLUTELY NOT. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR BRAIN. You need to know yourself enough to be able to say "Nope, not for me" and that way when you say YES YES! It's much more meaningful.
My current new audiobook is called "Yes please" by Amy Poehler, and ironically I just realized how fitting that is for this blog post when it was completely unintentional. HOW PERFECT! haha! She said that she loves the "yes" because she loves to say yes because she loves so many things, and she loves the "please" because it's indicative that someone else is involved and that we can't do it all alone in this life. How freakin fantastic right? I LOVE THAT! It's okay to say yes and it's okay to ask for help in that yes because we are all in this together and we are here to enjoy this life as best that we can because we get ONE chance at it!
One of my best friends in NYC was just on a TED talk. CRAZY RIGHT? Here is the link to that:
He was and still is SUCH a Godly man. I learned so much from him as our small group leader and he shaped a lot of who Tanner and I am today so I respect him a lot and he said something to me once that hangs with me all the time. He says that his dad told him this because he's also super humble and would never want to take credit for a statement that wasn't his. haha!
Buttttt, his statement was about humbleness. He said that being humble is literally thinking so little of yourself that you are able to recognize your gifts and give them freely without thinking "Do I look humble?" It's not arrogant to say YES in a situation because you are confident enough in who you are that you know that this is a position and a place that you are spiritually gifted and therefore would be totally awesome at. If you would be bad at it, then DUH say no!
It's okay to say yes. It's okay to be someone who really enjoys doing things, so you say yes a lot. I'm one of those people that truly enjoys being busy and not in a stressful crazy way. I like organized busy and for the first time I've finally figured out how that looks every day with more of a routine than I used to have with the chicken with my head cut off problem. I have learned to say no, and I've said no to many things. I actually probably have probably hurt some feelings but I also know that I had to let some things go for me so that I could say yes to things that were more appropriate for me. I think that mid to late 20's is a time in your life where you learn the most about yourself. Did you know that the brain is not fully developed until you are 25? Crazy right?! So I'm not saying that if you are younger than that that you haven't truly figured out life, but I'm saying that we go through a lot of change during this period of time and finally end up "landing" in a place that we are comfortable.
I say yes to work. I say yes to more than 40 hours per week of work. I say yes to running 70+ miles a week. I say yes to volunteering in many different organizations that give me joy. I say yes to hosting family. I say yes to doing ironman events, and ultra marathons. I say yes to many marathons every year. I say yes to reading as much as humanly possible lately. I say yes to coffee dates and dinner dates. I say yes to travel-far, far away and will pay for that within reason. I say yes to almost all trips. I say yes to almost all endurance events. I say yes to business endeavors of any kind. THAT IS ME.
It's a time also where the pressures of life are real. Are you married? Do you have a blossoming career? Are you having kids? And the pressures of these things are all around you. You have the ability to decide which things are right for you and which are not. I chose marriage but I also don't chose children right now. I actually think that we are finally at a place where we have said "okay we are pumping the brakes again for another few years" and we are comfortable in that, we know ourselves well enough now, and can confidently make these decisions of NO while also confidently making some decisions of YES in other areas of our life!
Yall, I wouldn't have wrote this blog even 2 weeks ago. I posted something on instagram about all the questions in life because that's the tricky stage of life that I'm in with lots of transition, but each day I'm learning and growing. Sometimes I tell Tanner I'm manic anxious. I don't really get depressive, but boy I go from HIGH ON LIFE to ANXIOUS AS HECK ABOUT LIFE in like 0 to 60. Is that a thing? It should be a thing. But today and for the last two weeks have been a high, so I'm going to take that and run with it. Speaking of running, 76 miles for this week and 90 miles in 7 days will be complete as of tomorrow at 9am!!! HOLY FREAKIN WOW I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!!
I told Tanner that even if I don't get this sub 3, I can at least say that I made it through this high mileage training cycle and for that, I am proud. I can't even think about the actual goal of this training program I've designed for myself because if I do, I'll get overwhelmed. I just take it day by day! :) And after chicago, I'm taking a BREAK and my butt is going to London and Paris!!!! More on life lately to come and all the things that we have said YES YES to! :) And girlfriend (or boyfriend lol), if you want to say YES to everything that comes this way because it's right for you then say YES. Don't be afraid. Know that you love those things and say YES.