I was thinking how I haven't done an update recently, and I feel I have lots I'd love to chat with you guys about, and it's topics that are all over the place (welcome to my brain) but I thought I'd write about it all in little segments of thoughts and go into how my training for chicago is going.
So, life is great, but also messy. I've been dealing with some mental stuff for a good long while and ignoring and ignoring, but that thing keeps rearing it's ugly head so i decided yesterday to step down from some commitments that i have and focus on healing inclusive of the therapy i joked about the other day. That's so vague i know, but we would be here all day so basically short version - mental health is important and I'm working on mine continuously, in waves of true blissful moments because my life is so beautiful, but then these other moments I'm not sure how to interpret.
I've turned into a bit of an introvert, but I'm truly realizing that I've always been this way and I've always had this emotion since I was a child of "Something is really wrong and I need out of this space..now." It's always been something that I kept to myself, and when upon talking it out with Tanner I've realized that these were blips of anxiety and now that I'm able to see that, I have realized that also part of me always doing social things were to be able to fit in, and the vast number of friends that I have had was just my blanket of security that people liked me. I've been stripping all of that away and breathing free in the presence of who I am. It's been a really beautiful (albeit painful) process to which I've talked in a good amount of detail but it all plays into one of the next things which is READING! I've gotten really into reading and I absolutely love it.
I have so many books that I want to recommend to you guys but I'm going to save all of those for another blog, but just wanted to talk about reading in general. We all have more time than we realize to read and once I made the effort with just keeping kindle on my phone and opening that app instead of instagram and facebook, I realized it was so easy. I also read on the treadmill which I know many can't do. I have an audiobook going, a paperback and a kindle all at the same time and yes, I believe we all have the capacity to switch story lines in our heads. I read the paperback/hardback in the mornings and evenings about 30 min each (I know not reasonable for some with families), the kindle on the treadmill and then audiobook on outdoor runs and in my car (along with informational podcasts - i'll share some of those too soon).
I have realized the benefit of being a lifelong learner. I wish I could re-do school honestly with the maturity now of how amazing college really is and getting my money's worth from really LEARNING information. Like, what a blessing to be able to do. I also have become a touch picky about the books that I'm picking up in that I am learning. I'm veering away from silly romance novels because books are inclusive of everything that a person has learned and researched and put into something concise for you to get through, and you have that opportunity and how cool is that to get their brain power in a few hundred pages! I don't want to waste that on what I call "the celery" of books-you know the books that should NEVER BE CONSUMED JUST LIKE CELERY ;) (I hate celery hehe).
FALL AND FOOTBALL
I know y'all feel it like I feel it. The time where everyone becomes annoying about pumpkin and the air just tastes different. I genuinely am quite literally obsessed with fall. Like seasonal depression in summer maybe (??) and hoping I reawaken in the fall. O-M-G I CANNOT WAIT. Tanner also takes his board exam in exactly one month and we will have the entire fall and holiday season together. It's been a long time coming. He's been studying for like almost a year on and off and very ON for about 6 months. We are going to a pre season Panthers game on Thursday with two of our best friends and I'm SO PUMPED.
COOKING / MEAL PLANNING
So, this is something that we have been enjoying so much together and more than ever before. Tanner basically never has preferences...on anything. lol. He's truly so chill, but he basically one day was like "okay i really want to start making meals and having dinner together." We had got into a habit of just doing our own thing like under the same roof because we eat so differently. He eats more than most humans on the planet (ha) and it's mostly very carb heavy whole foods plant based. When I went more towards plant based eating, I do try to get protein in some form and not just pasta every night but that's what he does, so I have just decided to start eating that way too. But, we have been making all kinds of things- pasta dishes, tacos (with beef crumbles and tofurky and cauliflower beef), homemade veggie pizzas, portabella paninins (aka sandwiches that we grill lol). We have been getting very gourmet every night and it's something we both really look forward to.
With planning for this, I typically pick our dinners every night at the beginning of the week and I have a meal planning little notebook. I write out what is needed for the recipe with crossing off or checking what we already have before I go to the store. I make sure to use up what is from the week before. I am REALLY HUGE on leftovers and using sauces/spices we have. I'm cheap and I'm not going to be wasting money throwing away junk. Luckily, my husband is obsessed with leftovers and it's a good thing with his appetite! ;)
I turn 28 in 8 days but WHO IS COUNTING? I am!!! hehe! I actually love my birthday. I just look forward to it so much and there's nothing really that happens, but I just enjoy feeling really special for the day inside my own little head. haha!
I don't know what I want and I asked for recommendations on my insta story and got so many fun ideas so I'm going to think on that. Most likely it will be experience focused, but I truly do want a new tattoo and have wanted one for quite some time.
The issue with that tattoo for me is not that I'm afraid to get one, but that the phrase that I want won't be perfect. I've thought about a million different phrases, and I know you'll tell me that I'll know when I choose it but I think I do know and then the next day I change my mind. Right now, I'm considering "still, I rise" in cursive down my forearm. Yes, I'm aware that it will be a visual tattoo and I'm a health care professional. I think the world is changing, so Imma go with that! ;) I want the tattoo to represent this season of change and hardship within myself that I've went through, so of course there's a million things. I kind of want it to be free spirited-ish as that's more of the life I've been moving towards (I know I don't encompass this-I'm workin LOL)
I've been wanting to start a youtube channel and be serious about it for quite some time. This has nothing to do with garnering income from it, because the structure of youtube has actually changed a lot, and many of the advertisers have pulled out, but just to be able to provide quality scientific content about nutrition and health in a useful easy to understand format that is well researched, well done, and provides a really fun creative outlet for me as well because I truly enjoy that sort of thing. I just want to do it right so I'm teaching myself lots of things currently and will continue to work towards this long term goal.
On the note of people using this as their sole income-yikes-there is so much changing and Tanner and I were discussing how Youtube has no formal contracts with any of these full time youtubers, and at any point, they can decide to pull the advertising piece. They probably won't but it's a possibility so I genuinely hope everyone has at least a semi back up plan. Times will change things. That we know. haha!
Tanner and I have always dreamed of being minimalist (like extreme lol) but we just never could seem to make it work. We know that the point is not to get rid of everything but rather to just have items that you love, but we didn't love all of our items and still weren't getting rid of them. haha! We had a talk about how we just needed to continue going through things over and over and each time, we find new things to sell and to give away and have started a large yard sale pile.
I read the book "The life changing magic of Tidying Up" and it really is life changing when everything has a specific purpose and spot in your home. Tanner is a very tidy man, to which I am IMMENSELY thankful, and so even down to our socks, every single one has a place now. Y'all...we are so crazy I know! LOL! But, it's so lovely. We don't ball our socks up anymore and force them into drawers. We stack them, fold them over once and place them vertically on their ends in our drawer. If a drawer becomes full, that means that we need nothing more and if it starts to pile, we make decisions to sell the others/give away.
There's been a lot of talk about how minimalism is consumerism at the end of the day because it's all about having these perfect items and having the money to be able to throw out the rest. I would have to kind of agree even though I'm participating, but we spend money on like literally nothing ever, so I'm okay with this. We want each item that we own to make us really happy, and when we get those items, we take really good care of them. For example, I bought my car over a year ago and I still take it to the drive through car wash and vacuum it out and wipe down everything with leather wipes every single week. My car looks brand new and that's how we treat everything we own. The things that I purchase are very thought out.
I decided that the old lunch tote I was using just was not big enough. I needed something that could carry a lot of different meals, so I got a new one. It was $9.99 at Marshalls, but the point of this is: I got rid of the old IMMEDIATELY. I don't need two. I need one that is of use that I will value and take care of and has a location.
We watch way too many documentaries, so therefore I also have made the conscious decision that my money is worth putting in cruelty free products. The amount of harm that is done to precious innocently sweet animals just so that we can have laundry detergent literally baffles me and makes me so sad so I will spend more there.
Tanner is reading more as well, and I have a kindle but he does not, so we will research, plan out accordingly for probably black friday and purchase him one. If you have any tips in that area, or think that an ipad might be more useful then I'd love your thoughts there. He will be using it for reading mostly (which includes work and journals).
I didn't purchase these, but y'all this new company sent me their bars, and didn't ask me to do a post at all. I literally only mention things people send me if I think it's good and am upfront with companies that send me things that I may never post about it. I want to always be honest, but these bars really are great, and have no preservatives so you keep them in the fridge. I popped them in the microwave for 8 seconds and OMGGGG! That banana chocolate YUM!
This all ties in together, but just an update on organization. Remember how I wanted to become more organized? Well, I truly think it's just habit now. It doesn't take thought, and if anything it's gotten more and more intense. HA! (The story of my life I know).
I don't get stressed out if things don't stay organized, but well, everything always just is now. haha! It was a long time dream of mine, and someone how I made it happen slowly over time. I write out everything in my calendar. I'm very detailed about it. I have spreadsheets on google sheets for just about everything. I am very detailed oriented with my clients now. I'm very focused when I'm at my full time job as well and organized as I have 140 patients to keep track of and chart and treat. I've really leaned into the value of taking time vs just getting stuff done and it's been super fruitful. I love it. I just recently reorganized my pantry and fridge because it just needed a revamp. I try to utilize little boxes and such I have vs buying new containers just to have more stuff.
Our closet is organized by short sleeve, long sleeve, jackets, etc and moves from the color scheme of dark colors to light colors.
but on to the next topic!
Tanner and I are going to London in December, and I am getting so excited. I have been doing a lot of research on the area and whether or not we want to do a day trip to Paris (as we feel that there is plenty to do in London and it would take up 2 of the 6 full days we have breaking up the trip maybe too much?) Thoughts? Favorites in London? I'm going to hopefully get some books from the library about the best things to do while we are there.
We also are saving to be able to do things like London and maybe another European trip next year as obviously those are expensive and we have been really budgeting with working towards getting our 401K situation maxed out and in place. We have been looking into investing for a long time and just not knowing how all of that works or how to begin, and we realized that the most simple start is just with our 401K's and so that is where we are. And the amount of compounded interest from age 27 to 65 is truly unbelieveable.
CANCER / NEW DRUGS
A new drug came out this week that is most utilized in heart disease, however it serendipidiously (is that a word?) could be really useful in lung cancer as well. It's actually a huge break through in science with heart attack risk patients, and an exciting time. I'm a huge fan of "food being thy medicine", but the truth is most people just are simply not interested in the dietary changes that can change their life and if we have life changing meds on the horizon then that's incredible. It's called Canakinumab and I was super excited to see it mentioned even on theSkimm yesterday morning
Routine has become my best friend. I thrive in routine, and haven't had one for quite some time. I actually think that this is what caused many of my issues is that I have a job that has flexible hours and my online work is flexible hours and so then I'd work out at odd times and I was just all over the place. I have found that working out the same time every day and having the same routine with work even if it is flexible really helps me to stay focused on everything that is life. I love routines.
I just recently had some blood work done (again through Inside Tracker) and I'm waiting on those results. This is a follow up from my December results, and I'll be curious to see if there are any changes. You can find my blog about that HERE. Also, ironically, Tanner had a physical and labs done at the same time. His cholesterol was INSANELY fantastic most likely due to our semi plant based lifestyle and not eating any dietary cholesterol. However, his A1C was 5.3. That is completely normal, but at his age and the fact that he has no family predisposition and our perfectionism on health (ha), he has realized that with the amount of food that he eats, he was just pounding some pasta to get in calories, and so we are taking a step back and re-evaluating how he is eating. He can make changes to his diet literally over night without any emotional ties, so I'm sure that'll be below 5 in no time. haha!
I also wonder if I have something off just based on the way that I've been feeling with training. It's been rough y'all. I was holding strong for so long (around 14 weeks of high volume training) and I literally just have fallen off. Let me continue below in the appropriate subheader. ;)
I know what you're thinking - "Katie overtrained" and of course I have wondered that myself, but then I think to the realities of "over training" and what that even means. I slowly escalated up to this amount of volume over years and I trained for an ironman so it's not as if I haven't done this amount of training before, but I just feel that I've been hit by a mental and physical truck. I simply do not care right now, and I'm working on all the cares that I have to bundle together to make the next 5 weeks happen, but I've basically let go of the sub 3. And when I say basically, I mean it's not happening. haha!
I know what you're thinking- "YOU STILL HAVE TIME. HANG IN THERE KATIE. IT'S ALMOST THE END." But I don't think that you guys know how many weeks I've been forcing this and struggling with it and just slowly feeling like I'm going to literally go insane, and this weekend when I woke up at 4am to do my 20 mile run, I was like "I can't. I literally just can't." I felt as if I picked up my foot to run one step, I might die. LOL. That's so dramatic, but with all of the mental issues that I've been struggling with, the amount of fatigue that I feel I've been experiencing mentally has went over into the physical aspect of not having the energy to train. So I didn't run for 4 straight days.
So, where am I at? I know that I was up to about 80 miles per week so of course like any normal human, I thought "I'll just dial it back to normal mileage for a marathon to still work towards a decent time. You are not a pro athlete Katie. Don't be extreme." and then that started slipping. Essentially, it takes a lot for me to run mileage at all. For example yesterday I got in 8 miles, and felt literally horrible the entire run and threw up afterwards. So, needless to say, I'm almost hoping that the blood work shows something, but I know the reality is that it probably won't and I just gotta figure out what's going on with my health. (I've also unintentionally lost weight I didn't intend to lose while eating the same amount that I would normally for this amount of volume and it's pretty significant enough that my clothes don't fit).
I'm a VERY VERY self aware, self critical person so if you are thinking all these things that you think I should be doing, I can promise you that I've probably thought of them myself. haha! I genuinely know that the level at which I was training is unnecessary but I had a goal and I was trying to be diligent in the short term, but WELP. HERE WE ARE. I also know that no one cares about my marathons but me, and honestly that gives me peace. Like, y'all want to be inspired and are cheering me on to my goals, but at the end of the day, you're living your life and I'm just living mine. haha! I have the rest of my life to work towards PR goals, and right now I'm just working towards getting to the race.
The one update on that is that there is no doubt that I'll get to the race and start and finish. I just literally have zero time goals. I know that is very foreign to a lot of people but I'm just wired differently, and I'd rather run races my entire life never once thinking about time again and still love running then to literally run myself into the ground with the sport.
I know that after Chicago I'm going to take a long break. I'm probably only going to do New York next year, but that's not final. I just want to focus on helping others train, keeping my health in a reasonable, normal fashion that includes strength training, and working towards some career goals that I have.
I know I seemingly change with each blog post that I write, but I always like to be upfront and honest about where I'm at currently <3