Today I turn 28, and literally every year of my adult twenties, I just get giddy to turn another number. I know that's so odd, but I just feel as if my whole life I've been goofy and I've looked really young, and I'm finally just coming into my womanhood and my truth. (going to sprinkle in photos as I go from this weekend)
The title of this one could not be more of a FAREWELL SEE YA NEVER YEAR 27. hahaa! I would venture to say that it was legit one of the hardest years of my life, but I have come out on the other side stronger, more thankful, more confident, and more open to what can happen. I've learned a lot about social justice in many spheres this year, and my prejudices that I didn't know I had within that. I've learned that extremes don't work in any sense of the imagination which I should have figured out a long time ago, but I like to beat my head with a stick before I learn these simple rules of the road. I have learned that less friends is more life, that validation of others is worthless if you don't validate yourself, and that we all are a little bit too sensitive, and need to take what people say, put it in our back pockets as possible self evaluation and otherwise, KISS MY TOOTY BOOTY.
Do you see men talking about people meaning rude to them on the internet or feeling not confident or respecting themselves? I mean MAYBE you'll find the rare one here and there, but that is because we have conditioned ourselves for this craziness that we are meant to be just a little more meek, and that this makes us more beautiful, desired, wanted. We are taught over and over to be smaller in every sense of the word, and I am just not a "small" person in spirit. I've always been transparent and open to a fault, divulging intimate details about my life to people that shouldn't be trusted, and so in year 27, I have learned when to close up but I've also learned that a thick skin in today's world is one of the best things you can form and if I want to share these details and wear my heart on my sleeve, then SO BE IT. IT'S WHO I AM.
I just recently got back some bad lab work, and I thought to myself "This is like the final straw to ring out 27 and bring on 28." It was the final straw to say "Girl, what are you doing? And for what reasons?" We all goof up, so I have no shame in admitting that. I guess I have the classic case of "overtraining" but I also hate that term because I feel it's so relative and non quantifiable but we throw it around like candy or Ibuprofen. ha. But regardless, I had to take that high mileage plan and basically throw it out the window. I had to recognize that the things that I was feeling were due to high cortisol, low b12, and anemia vs just mentally being out of it. I had to see that my creatinine kinase was 12x what it was 12 weeks ago to see that my recovery is CRAP because I was just running miles on end.
I know that most of you know that I have a history of disordered eating from a decade ago, but I've always had a healthy relationship with exercise. I've never done exercise for calorie burn, or felt guilty if I take days off. It just literally wasn't a thing for me. I always just loved the challenge of pushing myself further and further to get to new goals, but like at what point is enough enough? When I started running marathons, I ran 3-4 days per week and didn't think about what other people were doing, but somehow I got sucked into the instagram rabbit hole of destruction in thinking that in order to be my best, I needed to give more..and more..and more.. and it took my labs to be a slap of reality.
I wasn't trying to be disordered or ridiculous or overtrain. Truly. I just thought that I was doing my personal best to get to a big goal of mine, and we all make those mistakes, and have to step back, reassess our personal situations and make changes moving forward. I'm not other people on instagram. I don't have their lives, or their stressors, or their body frames, or their families, or their anxiety levels, or their sleep schedule. (And I say this light heartedly because I wasn't actually comparing myself to runners on instagram. I got over that a LONGGGG time ago haha-this was all subconscious). It all is going to play a role in this, and it will play a role in your training as well. If you have a coach, then you need to be open and honest with them if you are feeling burn out because it could easily be something more and even if it's not proven by labs, that still doesn't mean that you should keep pushing.
It's kind of ironic how I made a blog post about how to push when you feel mentally and physically tired, and here I am having to eat those words. haahahahaaaaaaa. whomp. And it's like if you can't pick on yourself, then who can right!? Like, I truly believe in working hard for your goals. 100%. And if we don't try hard when things are tough then honestly, it's hard to get much of anywhere in life or anything that's worth having. Marathon training is not easy. period. And I don't want easy. I love the challenge. But, I guess I've learned there is a limit.
I think that what happens naturally when someone gets in a situation like this is that they shame running, they shame plant based diets, they shame this, that or the other without self evaluating and saying "You know what? Maybe I could have taken a b12 supplement if I was going to go mostly plant based, and maybe it's okay to add some of those things back in but not just go wild on ham, turkey, and beef. Maybe I could scale back my milage to what feels appropriate, and let go of my PR but still train normal." Don't get me wrong. I need to rest. I truly don't struggle much with resting anymore. I rest a lottttt. I sleep a lot, and I chill at my house ALOT. I still feel like I'm running through mud and sand, and it kind of sucks, and I know it'll take weeks before my iron stores are back up to normal, but I also know that it doesn't mean I have to eat fast food and sit on my couch for the next 3 months either. In all the things, I just need to be reasonable. LOL!
I've said it once. I'll say it again. Sometimes I wonder how I got such AMAZING women as my best friends! Like HOW HAVE THEY STUCK IT OUT WITH MY CRAZY SELF?! Lol!!! I love them so!!!!
Lastly, on this topic, I think that also when I ever struggle with this kind of thing, I feel like I have to keep it to myself until I get it figured out because I'm a coach so therefore I should have it all figured out right? And if I mess up with myself, why would anyone want me to coach them right? UGH. How silly! A coach is supposed to be perfect?? Absolutely not. We are all human and make mistakes and learn from them. So enough on that..
...back to my birthday... hehe...which is today.
Birthdays always give me a new focus and a new sense of purpose. It makes me want to set new intentions and new goals for the year moving forward, so I did just that. Here are some of those (written to myself):
- Start a yoga practice
- Continue blogging more frequently because sharing life is fun!
- Revamp tons of things with the blog and continue coaching/start growing your business again because it gives you true joy to do so
- Aim to read at least 10 books per month (audio/paperback/ebook combined)
- Intentionally create space for time with family
- Continue being an introvert-you prefer it katie, I promise
- Focus on your career as a pharmacist (continuing education on my own, looking for areas of improvement that aren't readily noticed but always striving to do my best)
- Continue reducing the amount of things that you have
- Be more open to spending money on things you enjoy and travel. You can't die with money so you don't know what you're saving for. (I have 6 months in savings, and I just keep on saving.)
- Max out your 401K and look to other investment potentials.
- Stop making yourself feel pressure for not wanting a child yet, Katie. Just breathe. You'll know when you're ready to be a mom and you might be 34 and that's okay.
- Continue weekly date nights.
- Quit being scared to get the tattoo. Just get the tattoo.
- Continue learning about areas of life that are different than the spaces that you grew up surrounded by
- Continue the never ending journey to self actualization but rest in the amazingly beautiful progress you've made into becoming who you were created to be.
- Start a youtube channel for creativity purposes
- Continue learning photography
- Continue being completely transparent because YOLO and it's what you enjoy doing
- Create joy in spaces where it's not. Live with an outlook of abundance and not lack
- Only put energy in people and situations that deserve energy. Let the rest go.
- Gain some weight and get the booty back *LOL*
- Be freely you, Katie because you're worth it
Okay, that's all I got.